mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
