My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
All the doctor said was why
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
