I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize