if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
