he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
