the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
