Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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