I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
