you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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