so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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