I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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