Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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