and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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