my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
