I need help removing her.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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