There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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