the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
