Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
