I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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