I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
