I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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