dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize