He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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