He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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