i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
they need to just BURY HIM!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
