so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
