dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
