Hey man sorry I got all grabby
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
