I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
