So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just had sex bonerless
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
