It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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