I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
That accounts for only three of the penises
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
as a side note pls kill me
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
