i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
