Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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