Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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