she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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