I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
