New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
