the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
