I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
