Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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