I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
