i just sent this text using only my big toe
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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