pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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