Your face is a jimmy john
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
