I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
