So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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