ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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