ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
