What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
