She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
