I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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