I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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