I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
