Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
