if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
