My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize