I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
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