I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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