There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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