i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
