Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
