Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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