Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
