remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
